(O_O)

I love New Years :) i think its the best holiday ever! its like a mixture of X-mas, valentines day, and mardi gra.-sp? lol buh you get it. Not only does it mark the beginning of a new calender year. It also makes you re-evaluate everything you've done and what you want to do different. It makes you appreciate life and knowing that you JUST being alive are apart of a celebration that ppl all over the planet are celebrating. Even if your not celebrating, you should be, because your breathing and your heart is beating at the exact same time as someone else. Some where. No one is ever alone.

This time last year: I wanted to be a doctor. lol I was dating someone...I moved into a new place. I made new friends. I had a different car. RiP jelly bean. I had a different job. I was a full time student.I had shorter hair. blah blah blah..

This Year: I want to be a art teacher. Not so interested in dating. Have a roommate. Have a pull out couch.lol Have a car in my name that I love. Got a new job starting as a legal assistant and now a legal secretary. I have longer hair and i think I've shrunk. smh. Isiah is in good health and is smarter everyday.

Your accomplishments aren't measured by someone else..They're measured by you because your ruler might be more broad then theirs.

Farewell 2011, it was lovely while it lasted ;)

J. Cole - Cheer Up

Thinking outLOUD. bcuz my head is going to burst.

SoooO I'm trying to figure out FOR MYself what determines someone for ME? Even when your not trying to play "games" in ALL actuality- dating is a big ass, suck it, mud fight, game.

• 
  When you first meet its "guess who?"- who is this person? (are they a creep?, jealous?, lazy?, obnoxious?, do they smell?, are they smart enough for you? then you start categorizing them under "types" or comparing them to other guys you've dated/met...etc)


• 
  The first date "Classic Charades"- for some dam divine reason we think some how the other person develops some telekinesis over night and will be able to guess all our clues/tells of what we like/dislike or what makes us happy/unhappy. (Some study- shows that almost all of miscommunication is through body language...
  For example- this was brought to my best friends attention at a seminar the speaker said "Men nod their head to show that they're paying attention and women nod their head in agreement..." the miscommunication comes in when you put yourself in a situation.)


• 
  The awkward PDA "Battleship"- its a hit or miss. No matter what, for someone, its going to be awwwwkward. on either siDe . if it was a perfect date for her. it was awkward for him. she likes holding hands but he doesn't because their hands get sweaty and he can't tell whos leading who?. it was a perfect kiss for her and he was expecting more (:, she ordered a steak and he was only planning to pay for a salad. (you get it)


• 
  Then there's getting the 411 "Telephone"- you want to get the word out you have dibs or whatever..mark your territory. so you tell your friend, who you know will ask their other friend, who knows the cousin, of the ex to get their side of the story. Or you just want to confirm anything that was said on the date...OR casually brings up their name in front of a specific group of mutual ppl JuSt to shake it up and see what falls out. (the problem with telephone is thisss is where most friendships and/or dates DIE)
  But what happens when its someone nobody knows?
  They're from out of state...different culture..background...different HS..Just completely different. Then it doesn't really matter if you turn out to be the fool, right? Because nobody will hear about it...
  Let go and Let god?
  HhhMmmmmmmmmm.
  Interesting, is it mad to answer your own questions?
  Good night C:
  
  

How do you REALLY feel..

How are you supposed to feel- when the guy you brag that had been thee best boyfriend, to you, so far, in your "adult" life, doesn't even consider you in return?? wth. reallytho .
smh
tell me what I did wrong. -___- "wrong"
so i can decide if its worth changing in my life so that i can later advance.
I don't get why ppl have an issue with being honest when someone asks for criticism? I get offended, seriously you think its about you? no it's about me- ALL about me.
Because in the end everyone is only out for theirs.
So stick it and im KEEPing my compliments.

Hhmmmmm....

So far [romantically speaking] i've been going with the 'flow'...And So far i've only learned...the more carefree you are the less car-ing the other person is. Hhmmmmm so the question is~ am i ready to care if someone cares? I mean it makes sense, everyone is different but alot of guys expect females to care if they didn't get a text or call from a guy asap. It's funny that some guys pride their selves on it -__- no lie i've seen it first hand. Truth is majority of guys LOVE the attention and obsessive females. And truth is..HAHA i honestly don't see how all that energy could be worth anything?? I don't hold anything against anyone nor does it bother me enough to regret anything...i gave it a good run and met alot of intresting ppl and personalities.. But i am still a woman with wants/needs and feelings. Haha i've always been "one of the guys". As hard as i may try to compress my feelings, I think it was something someone said to me, and it started a snowball effect....i've categorized men all the time but it wasn't till i was categorized a couple times then i realized im NOt one of the guys. im a female..smh. The terms are branded onto my skull and can't get it off my mind. BS aside i think im going to clean out my lil "black book".
Good thing its in pencil;)
Lesson here? yess..Don't dish it out if you can't stomach it yourself.

-______-

Have you ever woke up disappointed in the world? I mean..really disappointed..When i was younger everyone smiled at me, laughed with me, and gave me pretty things. Pretty things that i have absolutly NO use for today. Ppl would do ANYTHING to keep a smile on my face. Even deceive my mothers rules and give me dessert before dinner behind her back followed by a wink;)

But nothing is pretty and everyone is too envolved in their own lives, to stop and think why is that beautiful person not smiling? What could be soo horrible that this person is not smiling? They're living...Every time someone makes eye contact with me, walking, driving by, or in a store, any where, i always smile at them. It's the ppl who don't smile back i wonder if there is really a reason.

A good reason.

Its ignorance to think no one else living has the same problems as you.
In the entire world.
Its stupidity that keeps you from solving those problems.
And its pure selfishness to think your problems are bigger than anyone else's.

I want my son to embrace his innocence, smile at everyone, play, and have beautiful things. I want him to keep his manners, know his worth and help him seperate the important from the unimportant. These things are soo small but may be soo big when it comes to appraising his life worth.

Before he acts or reacts, i want him to beable to stop and ask is this worth my life? or THEIRS? Is this worth the trouble, am i ready for the consequences? I mean not everyone did this till a certain age but i want him to ATLEAST know his worth, before his innocence runs out.

Pray for me because i pray for you.

Wuuhhhhh!? o_0

"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating …and you finish off as an orgasm."

(;

Shellynificent Michelle Rose SOo after a week of thinking about a huge decision i had on my shoulders, i've decided to give it a shot. #fuckit Yeee!:D

Chris Brown - Beg For It(Official HQ + Download)

You'll never know what hit ya!

So i've been really considering the airforce, but i can't be active and a single parent..basically i have to get married..HA..ha. funny huh. Well i accidently fell face first onto a potential prospect..really considering the offer.. but right now im looking at every angle of the situation and imagining the possible bad and ugly that could happen jumping into something soo serious. Me and my best friend were JUST talking about me living in the moment and never thinking three steps ahead the other day..annnd...well im trying to think liike 5 steps ahead right now-_- This next year i need to start making some changes and breaking bad habits, starting with staying away from scorpio's and church. lol O and anthony came around to the idea o_0 he wants to be my superman constantly for ALL the wrong reasons. i dont need your pity or charity. Thats the LAST reason on this earth i would marry someone for. Im not dying from cancer i dont need your dam med insurance. wtf.
Im looking for that answer that says, i want to thrive with you, build a life worth living, make $_$, be educated and do US.
Not- Becuz i know you need it and i want to help you...smfh
Obviously you don't KNOW what i need. We GOOd out herre! i jus want BETTEr.
Deuces!

We took the boys to their first basketball game:) One of the last games for the Sacramento Kings. Deuces! Wack ass fucking team. I hope after they get they fucking Arena a earthquake FSU.

J.COLE - LOSING MY BALANCE

J. Cole - Can I Live & Hold It Down

Keri Hilson - Slow Dance <-LOve This song (;

Just the way we are..

i Just got back from colorado:) a lil slice of heaven on earth. for me n zay. idk how to explain how i feel when i am surrounded by my family. untouchable. loved. not alone. understood. comfortable. security. i mean to feel the type of connection my family has is like we are in tuned even though we may seem like we aren't. ;) . buh that is the trick about family. even though we may seem to have fall apart, family always falls back together when it counts the most. a educated friend told me in a conversation, "we are the generation of miscomunication..." HA! as ironic and hilarious as it is, we have the most intelligent devices out TOday, networking sites, dating sites and Log sites. Yet people burn bridges, break ties, pact's, marriages, friendships and pinky promises because we are the generation misunderstood. Instead of saving your marriage with a simple sincere apology and sit down with your partner to better understand the feelings that arroused in the prior arguement. They are ending because nothing is personal anymore. i am not a computer, i dont know how to appreciate a "e-card of flowers" or text that says "i -heart- u, sorry" i mean how are you supposed to feel the sincerety in that text? if that person died tomorrow. would the e-card or text message had been enough? would you regret not taking the time out of your day to pick up the flowers she could appreciate or making dinner to create time to patch things up with someone you love? studies show making contact with someone in a converstion intrigues the mind. holding someones hand as you give them bad news, holding them close while enjoying a movie, a pat on the back at work, dancing when you have something to celebrate, if someone is crying infront of you, are you going to send them a text "its okay, stop crying -hug-" ?hahahaa as rediculous as i may seem, its true, in a couple years or generations,we may get Soo inpersonal, that a text or e-card will do-_-

JessieJ - mamma knows best LOVE THIS SONG TO DEATH

LOVE HERR <3

Beyoncé - Flaws And All

JUs thinking aloud.

Soo i was juss thinking...what changes between the day we say "mama/dada" and today? I mean, when we are younger we hide nothing when it comes to expressing feelings or love towards someone buh as we get older we don't. Are we ashamed? Is it because we know pride? what changes between then and now? I look at my son and no matter what or who, if he misses someone or wants to spend time with them he has no problem expressing it. He will ditch me ANY day of the week for my Ex's mom, buh will come home, telling me he missed me and kissing me till he falls asleep. If a grown man did that i would go running the other way because hes too "clingy" or "soft". Little kids are cute when they say i love you over and over or want to call grandma till she answers buh if you did it as an adult its obsessive or creepy. Do they jus eventually learn what pride is or is it society that forces them to change into whats "cool" and whats not?

Drake - I Get Lonely Too

To the left.to the left.

Feeling kinda sad. sitting here watching zay make himself strawberry milk. standing on the chair stirring it bcuz he can barely reach it. im sad bcuz im soo proud that ive helped this being grow on its own as his own person. he jus moved the chair to the left to put the spoon in the sink. im sad bcuz when i look to the right theres no one there to share this memory with me.

Monday Monday Monday

Watching The Bee Movie with zay. funny stuff. SooOo in march my sister and i are going to Colorado to see family, shes actually moving out there, i wish i could move out there buh the schools i like are out here. soo yea. My cousins are supposed to come too. this is going to be thee roadtrip. lol! im soo excited for zay to see his great grandma, uncles, aunts and cousins! soo juiced. we're going to take sooo many pics. ;)

To: You

Michelle Taliaferro January 12 at 1:08am
So A------- ---- i love you dearly, buh its soo irratating, your immaturity is getting in the way of us moving forward as friends, just grow up and man up already. if you love me as much as i love you, then you shud beable to look past all the dumb ppl, as i do for you, numerous times i surround myself with ppl i may disregard buh they are ppl you hang out with. its just apart of life, you jus need to be a little more civilized, thats what seperates man from beast and you are no animal so you have no reason to act like a ass over bullshit. life is too short. if i found out i was going to die tomorrow i would want everyone i've ever KNOWN to love, in one room with me till my last breath and i cant help but think that you would be the one less person in that room just becuz you dislike someone and what they said or did to you. it hurts my feelings and its confusing. i don't come around as much as i would like to bcuz some of the things you say are obnoxious. when its me and you just out and away from everything and everyone we are good friends and we laugh about everything, i love the person i can be when its just you and me. And thats why i love you. even though you dont want anything to do with me, you are the type of person i want isiah to grow up to be, with good intentions, good values, friendly, funny, and i hope he could love me as much as you love your parents someday. he admires you. If you care then be here, all the time, not just when things are going bad for us, be here for the good the bad and the ugly. Thats what a true friend is. Of course they're also honest and thats why im sending you this, to let you know i will always have feelings for you but if you want to be "just" friends then be that. stop playing around and be my best friend.
Love me




RIGHT?

Monday smh.lol

SSoo i seen a commercial and it was a nature valley commercial annd it said something about colorado...i miss my family. im thinking about going there in feburary bcuz neither one of us wants to be around for stupid valentines day.fml. What a stupid idea? seriously, a man must have been the one to have thought of valentines day if you think about it. we obsess over it. its a pure joke amoungst men, just another way they can get under our skin. whether we admit it or not, we do obsess over it. i would love to meet the woman who doesn't think to herself at least once that day a bunch of, what if's, fantasies, we create these impossible expectations for men on this day and drive ourselves crazy. the funny thing is, they prolly all sit around laughing at the rediculous day. Grocery stores don't make it any easier, i cant walk into one in JANUARY without being blinded by bright red and pink colors.ugh.and the annoying singing stuft animals. if i ever win the lottery i will do us all a favor and buy every singing animal and burn them. i will have a huge party for burning those useless things..anyway i think colorado is calling me:) my sister was over last nite, eating, naturally, and said something about going out there. driving out there and me n zay would fly back...its a sign soo im going:) there is also talk about vegas in may, im excited:), hopefully i can save enough to go... anyway i got work soo i have to get ready..Peace

Happy BRAND New Year!

Happy New Year
its a new year with new beginings. I cant wait for this new year:)they say the way you spend your new years eve will determine the rest of the year that follows. Well i spent it with only ppl i love and who love me back:) I spent it 21. it was classy and very much so tastful. Drinking with friends and family, when the count down came, looking around, ladies dressed up and gentlmen, i wouldn't take anything back from this last year. By the time we screamed TWO- ONE- HAPPY NEW YEAR! i never felt soo much love and anticipation in one room, it was breath taking, hardly a feeling you could describe.
Dedicated to 2011
"Love me tender, Love me sweet, Never let me go, You have made my life complete, annd i Love you sooo.
Love me tender, Love me true, alll my dreams fulfilled.
For my darling i love youu annd i always will.
Love me tender, love me long, take me to your heart, for its there that i belong annd will never part.
Love me tender, love me truue, all my dreams fulfilled, for my darling i love you and i always will..."~Elvis Presley