UMMm woke up today kinda early...i guess its a good thing im gettin use to wakin up early for work...i woke up today feeling confused.last nite i felt shitty, regret, not too much lookin forward to the future.Jus kinda realized i fell back to where i was emotionally 2 months ago...
i dont know why buh i did and i feel ashamed and dumb.i realized devin is who he is and he will never realize the obvious in front of his face.
Hes a man naturally born taking,never giving, and knocking down gurls on the play ground, never had a man to tell him "no".For some reason it means more when a man says "no" to their sons'.My doctor says its the dominance in their voice and the independance they show.He had no man to show him how to treat a girl.and he thinks money can buy everything he will ever need.he might be right bcuz hes different and maybe what he wants is what only money can buy.Theirs nothing here he can buy with money.Imma have to be isiahs mom and dad.
Im angry at him and its bcuz he knew what he was all about yet he led me on to believing something else.And rite now he stands on top of the World of Fake.
Im angry bcuz instead of him hurting me hes really hurting isiah,he cant hurt me any more i've bin threw it all,hes jus hurting isiah.Im pissed bcuz isiah doesnt deserve that.
I know two single moms and they are two strong respectable women,they raised their children, still raising them and they are blind to how far they have come and how proud of themselves they should be. I will prolly be soo busy working going to school and raising a man. That i wouldn't be surprised if i fall blind too.
I can't forgive him today but i pray to be stronger to forgive him tomorrow.
But i will be stronger.
Love you BaaYbe.
Love you Devin.Always have and Always Will.
